Dear Gavin

You were born first into this little family of ours. There are things that I don't understand about you and there are also things that are just like me. Perhaps it is those things that have me stumped. I know that you are so smart and perhaps that is why I expect you to understand things that you are probably too little to understand. I know I am hard on you. I try not to be. You are the oldest and our first kid so unfortunately for you it is trial and error most of the time.
I want you to grow up to be all of the things I know you can be: smart, funny, caring, considerate, and loving. I see all of those things in you. I know that I come across as the bad guy a lot of the time. I know that some of the things we do make you unhappy. That is never my intention. I only want what is gonna be the best for you. I want you to grow, and develop and mature.
I know that Heavenly Father gave you to me for a reason. I know that we are both suppose to learn something from each other. I know that everyday that I live I live to love you. I know it may sound silly but I hope that you love me too. I pray I don't mess this whole mothering thing up. So while you may have deemed me "worst Mom ever" for today, I hope that you know that I am a work in progress. Mothering is still pretty new to me and I am trying to work out the kinks. But I will continue to try because I love you.

Mom.